09 June 1987 – Blackington Road, New Salem, Massachusetts
Jeff sat with Allison, Kathy, and Jack at Allison’s graduation party the day after the ceremony. Jeff explained to his friends what the atmosphere was like at his family’s table during the post-graduation lunch the previous day: Nobody spoke a word. There was no graduation party planned at the Knox household, either. Jeff was surprised that his mother had even shown up to graduation.
“That sounds like it was awkward,” Jack said.
“You’re a master of understatement, Mr. Jarrett.”
“So when do you leave, Jeff?” Kathy asked.
“I’m scheduled to report for Basic Training early in the morning on July sixth. I’ll fly out of Bradley the day before.”
“And things at home aren’t any better?” He gave Kathy a look. “Yeah, didn’t think so.”
“What are you going to do, Jeff?” asked Jack.
Jeff shrugged. “Enjoy the time I have left here with my friends. Mom can be part of that if she wants, but if she doesn’t, it’s not my problem.”
“What do you mean you’re going to leave early?” Allison cried, her face falling.
“I’m sorry, Allison,” he replied while she buried her face in his chest. “I know I said three weeks ago that I wasn’t going to let Mom’s attitude affect me, but it’s gotten ten times worse now that school’s out. The earliest I can leave is the first. If I don’t leave soon, I’m gonna say something I’ll regret. I wish I didn’t have to, but...”
“Two days...” she whispered. Jeff could see tears forming in her eyes.
Jeff swore to himself almost a year ago that he’d never put himself in this position again. Of course, he should have realized that promise was not at all realistic.
Jeff would leave the quiet valley where he grew up tomorrow. He didn’t know when he was coming home again, despite what he told his sister in January. He hugged Mrs. Newbury, and she kissed his cheek goodbye. Mr. Newbury received a firm handshake. He thanked both of them for dinner and wished them well. He led Allison out onto her driveway and into the warm summer night.
The pain of the impending separation was no less sharp now than it had been with Pauline the year before. It was even more acute for Allison, as it was her first relationship. Whoever said ’tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’ needed a solid punch in the nose. Jeff kissed Allison goodbye one last time in painful cases of déjà vu and role-reversal.
“Reach for the stars, kid,” he managed to croak out.
“You keep your head down,” she sniffed. “I’ll send you my address at MIT as soon as I know what it is. Write to me when you can?” Jeff nodded before climbing into his car.
He made it three miles down the road before he had to pull over.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight, Marisa,” Joe answered. “I have to get up early tomorrow, and I don’t want to wake you.”
“I don’t want you to sleep there! I want you to sleep in here!”
“And I want you to say goodbye to Jeff in the morning. Are you going to say goodbye to your son in the morning?” Marisa was silent. “I didn’t think so. Your son said goodbye to his girlfriend last year, and you were there for him. He said goodbye to his girlfriend tonight, and where were you? Up here pouting, that’s where. Pouting because he’s not going to college, a choice he made, Marisa! He also chose to leave this house early because of you!”
“You stole five days from him, Marisa. Five days. Five days with Kara and me. Five days with his friends. Five days with Allison, a wonderful, brilliant girl you never bothered to get to know because your feelings are hurt. Our son is grown up, Marisa. Not growing up, but grown up. He can make his own choices. If you remember, he’s been doing that since he was thirteen.”
“I love you, Marisa. I’ve loved you for over twenty years. I say this because I love you – you are wrong. You’ve been wrong about this from Day One. I’ve tried giving you room to get over your mad, but enough is enough. I’m telling you this right now: Kara and I will stay in contact with Jeff after he leaves. He is my son. He is her brother. You can choose to throw him away if you want, but we’re keeping him. Deal with it.”
Joe opened the door to their bedroom. He turned back to his wife before he stepped through it. “And in case you’ve forgotten, I didn’t go to college, either.”
Joe looked over at his son while he drove him to the airport in Windsor Locks. Jeff stared out the window while they drove, having kept silent since they left the house. They were now only twenty minutes from their destination. The sun was starting to rise in the east.
“Jeff?”
“Yeah, Dad?” Jeff replied without turning away from the window. His voice was flat, emotionless.
“I’m sorry things are turning out this way for you. I’ve been trying to talk to your mother about this, but, well, you know how she can be...”
“Yeah, Dad,” Jeff sighed. “I do.” He turned away from the window and faced his father. “I’m sorry you’ve been in the middle of this, Dad. I didn’t mean to come between you and Mom, but, dammit, this is my life and my choice.”
“I know it is, Jeff. On the one hand, I’m proud of you for taking charge of your life. On the other hand, as a dad, I’m nervous about what could happen.”
“I guess I understand that at least somewhat, Dad. I can’t say why I enlisted, other than I felt drawn to the Army. I know I’d do well at college, but there’s no subject calling to me yet. History will likely be my choice, at some point. I’d just be wasting my time and your money right now. I know I didn’t have to enlist as you did, but...” Jeff turned back to the window. “This is something I feel that I need to do, Dad.”
Joe Knox nodded at his son’s words while negotiating the maze that was the airport’s property. Jeff indicated that he only wanted to be dropped off and that Joe didn’t need to come inside.
“You said the airline will honor that travel voucher four days early?”
“Yeah, Dad. That’s what the recruiting station said when I called the other day to check.”
Joe pulled the car to the curb and put the car in park. “Well...”
“Yeah...”
“You take care of yourself, Jeff,” his father said, his emotions wearing on him. “Give it your best.”
“‘Anything worth doing is worth doing right,’ right, Dad?”
Joe had said that to the kids over and over as they grew up. Joe didn’t trust himself to speak anymore, so he held out his hand. Jeff grasped it in a firm grip.
“I promised Kara that I’d come home for her graduation if I can. Tell Mom I love her?” Joe nodded. “Love you too, Dad.”
Joe pulled his oldest into a firm hug. The two held the embrace. Jeff broke it a minute later, climbed out of the car, and retrieved his one bag from the back seat. He turned his back to the car and stood at the curb to gather himself. His father did the same before he pulled back into traffic.
Jeff took another deep breath, picked up his bag, and entered the terminal.
Joe sat on the back deck holding a beer, his lunch abandoned on the table in front of him. He hadn’t touched either of them in fifteen minutes. Joe couldn’t really taste either of them, and he didn’t feel like working. He would hurt himself or someone else in the garage today given how distracted he was right now. He’d been staring at the woods at the edge of the backyard for the past ten minutes, but they held no answers today.
Joe heard the screen door open behind him. Glancing out of the corner of his eye when he turned his head, he saw Marisa step out of the house. He turned back to the trees. Marisa sat in the chair next to him.
“Joe?” she asked softly. He continued to stare straight ahead, not answering. “Joe, you didn’t say anything when you got home. Did he leave okay?”
“Who?”
“Our son. Jeff.”
“Oh, we have a son? I know I have a son. You haven’t acted like you have a son at all for the last seven months!”
Joe saw Marisa hang her head. He heard her sobs moments later; the sobs grew in intensity as he listened. Joe’s resolve broke, and he gathered his wife into his arms. Marisa’s sobs grew louder as he did so, but they were now sobs of relief.
She thought she’d driven Joe away with her attitude. He never spoke to her with the anger that had been in his voice last night. Last night was the loneliest night she’d ever spent in this house. Joe stroked her hair while she calmed down.
“Jeff asked me to tell you something before he got out of the car, Marisa.” Joe’s voice was far more gentle than it had been for the past fifteen hours.
“What?”
“He asked me to tell you that he loves you.” Fresh tears fell, but they were silent tears. “Those were your son’s words, Marisa. The boy we raised said that before he walked into the terminal by himself. He won’t be eighteen until August, we both know that, but let him be the man he’s trying to be.”
“What should I do, Joe?”
“For now, nothing; at least, not when it comes to Jeff. Don’t try to write or call him. Let him do this on his own.”
“You okay, son?” asked the older gentleman to Jeff’s left a couple of hours later. They shared the counter at a diner inside Atlanta’s Hartsfield Airport. “You look a mite lost.”
“Doin’ all right, thank you, Sir. On my way to Columbus, Georgia.” Jeff shrugged, staring at his root beer float. “My departure from home wasn’t exactly the best.”
The older gentleman nodded his head as if he understood. “Your parents didn’t agree with your decision to enlist, then?” Jeff looked over at the man. “There are precious few reasons a young Yankee like yourself would be traveling to Columbus, Georgia. I’m guessing you’re heading for Fort Benning?”
“Yes, Sir, I am. But, please, don’t call a Red Sox fan like me a Yankee. It turns my stomach it does, especially after the way we lost to the Mets last year. ‘Déjà vu all over again,’ indeed.”
The man laughed and clapped the younger man on the shoulder. “You’ve got a good attitude, son. That’ll see you through your Basic, at least. You going infantry?”
“Yes, Sir. I’ll be at Benning until the middle of October. I’m doing Basic, AIT, and Airborne School there, all in a row.”
“You joining up because you had to, or did you choose this yourself?”
“No, my own choice, Sir. I didn’t feel like I was ready for college, so it seemed silly to waste time and money at someplace like that until I was sure what I was working towards.”
“Well, when you make it to your unit and after you get settled in, you ask your sergeant about taking correspondence courses when you figure out your goals. You should be able to pick up at least an associate’s degree at least, or even a bachelor’s if you have some AP credits. That’s how I picked up my degree while I was in. Don’t let your education slide just because you’re in the service.”
The man looked at his watch and rose from his stool. He waved down the server, grabbing his check as well as Jeff’s. The younger man tried to protest.
“You’re going to serve your country, son. I spent twenty years in the Army as an infantryman during the worst of some anti-military times. I never heard so much as heard a single ‘thank you’ pass anyone’s lips to me, though I heard plenty of other not-so-nice things.” The man shrugged. “Wanting to hear thanks from others wasn’t why I stayed in, but it would have been nice to hear, even just once. So, let this be my way of getting your career started with a ‘thank you for your service,’ okay? I’ve got to catch my connection to Savannah. You take care, son, and give it your best.”
The man walked off without giving Jeff time to thank him for his generosity. Jeff hadn’t even asked the man his name. Jeff watched the man walk off before turning back to his root beer float and cheeseburger. He tried to ask the server for the man’s name, but she shook her head. She overheard what the man told Jeff, and she’d seen the businessman do the same for other enlistees in the past. They’d looked as stunned as Jeff did. As the sister of two service members, she appreciated the older man’s generosity. Jeff resolved to pay that generosity forward someday.
An hour later, Jeff sat on a much smaller plane bound for Columbus, Georgia. He used the military travel voucher, which was free, but he’d have to pay for a hotel room until July 6th. He wasn’t sure he had enough money, but he’d figure it out.
It turned out his fears were unfounded. The manager at the hotel where Jeff made his original had heard stories similar to Jeff’s over the years. Jeff received an unanticipated room rate discount from the manager, which he half-protested. Jeff later admitted the discount helped his money stretch until his report date and beyond. He would ship his extra clothes and personal items back to his house before reporting to Fort Benning. No way was he showing up with anything over and above the Army’s packing list.
Jeff settled into as much of a routine as he could over the next four days. He ran in the morning, did his exercises, ate, read, and slept. He found the closest laundromat and washed his extra clothes before shipping them home.
Jeff checked out of the hotel the morning of July 6, 1987, and thanked the manager for the discount once again. He carried his bag onto a city transit bus bound for the reception center at Fort Benning and the start of his adult life.
