Furlou Melni

Furry sat back in the pilot’s seat and frowned at the faceless computer.

“You’re killing me!” he said.

“Causing your death would be against my programming,” the computer replied in an endlessly pleasing voice that had begun to grate on his nerves.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Should I recommend to your superiors that you have been spending too much time around the planet Earth? You have picked up some unpleasant colloquialisms.”

“Fine. Computer. Please provide me with the most recent updates on the regulations regarding the interdicted sector around the planet Earth. Any changes?” His gaze focused on the images coming from the planet below.

“Acceptable exports list has been increased by 203 items while simultaneously removing 57 others.”

“Make sure my notepad is updated with the current list. But there’s no change in the interdiction status?”

“Negative. Extra-terrestrial presence is allowed only in the area where the natives have specifically requested it.”

“So, what am I looking at?”

“That is a Galeun craft parked in a cornfield.”

“Are they picking corn?” He raised his eyebrows. Maybe he’d found a way to get the AI to cooperate.

“Negative. Their presence is causing damage to the field.”

“So then tell me why I shouldn’t impound their vehicle and charge them with breaking the interdiction?” He’d been over this before. All he needed was an official warrant, and it was ridiculous that the AI was not filing the reports.

“The craft is a Galeun diplomatic vessel.”

“It’s a slaver ship, outside the allowed area, currently damaging the property of natives that are unaware and unwelcoming of alien intervention. It’s breaking at least seven different laws!”

“Slavery is legal in the Galeun culture and as such is marginally allowed within the Alliance. Humans also practice slavery. Therefore, the anti-slavery laws do not apply.”

“But it is violating the interdiction!”

“The craft is a Galeun diplomatic vessel.”

“Since when are the Galeuns above the law?”

“You know well that the Galeuns are heavy investors in the galactic law enforcement benefits program.”

“So the laws don’t apply to them?”

“You know that there is the letter of the law and the practice of the law and that the two things are not the same.”

“Yes.” He sighed. He wasn’t going to win this. He watched as the aliens dragged some hapless human onto their ship and took off, leaving divots in the cornfield.

“Just as the humans have laws against slavery but still practice it, the Alliance allows limited violations of the interdiction as long as the long-term cultural damage is minimal.”

“I’ll be filing a report about this,” he muttered.

“I’m certain your superiors will treat it with the same attention they routinely offer to your reports.”

Furry slapped the console in frustration. The worst part was that the computer was correct. No one cared. They’d sent him here to do a job, but they’d much rather he limit the export of peanuts than people. Or maybe they'd just sent him to the edge of civilization to get him out of the way.

Employment

Regulatory Enforcer